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News and Features
2006 Final College Futility Rankings
Losers deserve respect. Without them, Nebraska’s Cornhucksters would have no schedule. Eastern, Western, Southern, Central, Lower and Upper Michigans would have no way to fund their sports programs. The Sage suspects that Troy State (who?) financed a good chunk of its athletic budget by sending eleven poor sods to Lincoln in September to bend over for a 56-0 pasting by the Big Red. Nebraska charged admission for this. Big Red fans actually paid.
The Sage Tries to Understand Baseball
The Sage has tried to understand the allure baseball has over the great US of A. After all, we are a society of doers and thinkers. Baseball makes us sitters and drinkers. Baseball players then are combinations of the sitters and drinkers that want to be the doers but don’t have the life skills most of us have – like for cutting grass. Running around on a lush grass surface that one doesn’t have mow is simply Nirvana. And, if you can solidly connect wood with cowhide one time in three turns, you will never have to do your own yard work again.
College Football 2008 - Merciful End to some Dismal Seasons
Without losers, there wouldn't be winners.... The Sage doesn't know quite who said this, but it was probably someone trying to make himself feel better about supporting a team that delivered a sparkling 1-11 record. When your one win comes over a lower division school that doesn't even show up in matching uniforms, your know your team threw this season down the dumper. There were many memorable records put up this year by some surprisingly dedicated football schools. The University of Washington delivered on its commitment to perfection by coming through with the first winless season in Pac-10 history. Other schools claimed their only wins against teams from divisions no one has ever heard of. So... for more fun and insight, read on!
Welcome to the One and Only SagePage

What is the Sage Page!
FirstWorst.com is the brain child of the Omnipotent and Benevolent "Sage." The wisened old Sage has learned many things over the course of his many years, so he felt it necessary to impart this wisdom and share his observations on the silliness of life and sport. The Sage believes that sport is entertainment and that we all take things like sports much too seriously. Perhaps that rule works for life in general. Things get a little easier when less important things aren't viewed as life and death matters. And what better way to enjoy life than to look for the fun in things!"

The SagePage is offered as a place for insight and thoughtfulness. Should you possess either insight or thoughtfulness, much of this column might not make sense. The SagePage provides an opportunity to discuss other issues of the day, make silly observations or offer ideas out to the world. If you can make people laugh or brighten the lives of others, don't you have an obligation to at least take a shot at it?
Some FAQs about The Sage
Q: Why does the Sage refer to himself in the third person?
A: The Sage believes that everyone should have a positive self-image. It is easier to give compliments to someone not being referred to as "I" or "me."

Q: What is the Sage's favorite movie?
A: That goes without saying!... Mel Brooks probably wins with Young Frankenstein. There just is no substitute for silly slapstick humor or getting hot soup dumped in your lap.

Q: Is the Sage married?
A: Yes... This has been the greatest joy and greatest challenge. Believe it or not, this is one thing the Sage does take pretty seriously, although he is contemplating a column on the institution. The Sage's Beautiful Wife (SBW) has tolerated the Sage's weird sense of humor and believes that FirstWorst may finally be her way of avoiding some of the humor usually demonstrated in front of her.

Q: Does the Sage have any children?
A: God has richly blessed the Sage with one beautiful teen-aged daughter. The Sage's beautiful teen aged daughter (SBTaD) also enjoys good (or bad) humor and participates in writing FirstWorst. Although she only watches the Super Bowl for the advertisements, she can tell a first down from a first date.

Q: Does the Sage have any pets?
A: Yes.. The Sage and family have a wonderful Golden Retriever who has taught us all a great many life lessons, including the importance of napping and just slowing down, playing and how to truly relish dinner time by banging your head on the underside of the kitchen counter right before you eat.

Have a question for the Sage? Click the "Feedback" link and send it in!

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